Reuben A

There's nothing to critt...wonderful. It's pretty much perfect. Please write more...I want to read more... :D :D :P :D :D

Me like! Me like! More me want more!

The only thing I noticed is that your parents don't really seem happy, your father's mumbling etc. Why? But, I can't wait to read more..................................

My footsteps echoed through the dormant house, silence ringing through my ears. The breeze sweeps through the house from a window high above my head. Echoed= past tense Sweeps= Present ...

Whoa! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :s

I'm trying out new stories to see which one works...and, if you just read what I just said, you must read this, and every thing after this...and critt.... Lightning clapped ...

The farmer sweared and ran inside his smll hut of a house, to get his rifle. Swore, small The trurkay was running on something bnlack and hard. Turkey, black A ...

Hi.... I liked your way of following up from the prologue. But, in the prologue, the dimensions get messed up don't they? But here the dimensions are fine...That's the only ...

I flew back from LaLa land, and stared at Nella. Well, this confused me...flew back to LaLa land? Did you fly away? I liked it...The only other thing that I ...

It's sad!! :smt010 There isn't much to review. But everything has been said by Cheshire Cat... You got me hooked!...Desperately waiting for the next part

Sorry, I didn't know about that rule of after a dialog tag comes a comma. :oops: And thanks for pointing out all my teypo's!! I'm busy editing...

Prologue: Chapter 1: After a few moments in the middle of the brawl, Xylon was knocked back. So far back, that he fell against the steaming rock. Meanwhile, the crack ...

Very nice...I think it has a lot of potential. I like it. But the only mistake was already picked up by Dr. Jamie Bondage.

The lake before him glistened and the waves lashed upon the willows, but that was it. You talk like you've mentioned the lake before, but you haven't. Rather mention it's ...

Hi... the car sped down the street. the ? Doesn't the refer to a specific car. But isn't it just a random car speeding down the street? Replace it with ...